Every day is exactly the same...

Like the song says "I believe I can see the future, cause I repeat the same routine, I think I used to have a purpose, but then again that might have been a dream" I know this all is going to sound very depressing but lately I have been thinking about things more than usual and I find myself asking "Is this it?". We are told since we are kids that if you are good and work hard that you will be happy, and now at my 30's I find that was just a flat out lie, I work hard every fucking day, I get up way early to get to my job, I leave late, and I have done this in every damn job I have had since I was 17 years old and what do I have to show for it? Nothing, some shitty 9 to 5 job that does pay good but what is good pay for if the rest sucks?

Do we live in a society that demands too much from us and gives back little? Specially in this economy these days it is progressively getting worse, work is unappreciated, people cling to jobs just so they don't "fail" and go trough so much bullshit just to hang in there. To be subject to a daily torture just so you don't lose your job so you can pay bills and "live" your life, I find this all ridiculous and depressing.

Are we destined to just reproduce and aspire to have a family and that is as good as it gets? Really? In order for us to do that do we have to go trough this routine and this drudgery called day to day living? Does it ever get any better? Or does it get worse? I love to quote Depeche Mode with "I don't want to start any blasphemous rumors but I think that God has a sick sense of humor and when I die I expect to find him laughing." so true...

Lately there is not much than can lighten my day, I have the occasional laugh in the office or with friends or with my girlfriend, or a beer on the weekends to lighten up etc. but in all honesty I find it so sad now that we go trough the week waiting for the weekend and when it gets there it is so short, so expected, so typical that its really sad this is what we wait for all week and its just as bad. Not even partying and drinking makes it better, that brings a whole other issue into it, you don't realize it when you are younger but its a waste of time, for some it is the best thing in the world but it gets old like ones self.

I don't know what is going to happen or if I am in a slump or if this is reality and its horrible but I do know I cannot keep on living like this, it is killing me inside and making me a depressing person, hopefully something gives (which come on, that only happens in movies) but if nothing gives then the naysayers were right all along "life is just one normal unexciting day after another and there is nothing you can do about it unless you risk everything." Fight Club makes so much sense now...

But hey what do I know? I just work here...

Ohhhh now I get it...

I remember the days I would see a guy so happy with his girl, he would not go out with the bros anymore or party like crazy he was totally satisfied jut spending time with his girl and with other couples and my reaction was "wtf, what a loser". Well now I totally get it, sure it took me a while but it is safe to say I am here fully aware of the commitment it takes and I am here w/o regrets or things left unfinished.

How do you get to this point? Well for me it had to do a lot with the fact that I actually took the time to live life to the fullest for a long time, did all the crazy stuff I wanted to, sew my wild oats as they say and finally this Tiger was tamed.

Now that I am here at this point I can totally get those guys, and back then I would think "Even if you are so in love there has got to be a point where you bored" but no, not bored at all, some guys do get bored then they part ways or even worse they cheat, but some guys are not bored at all, they are completely satisfied, sexually, mentally and even its a friendship with that girl as a guy that makes it all good, I can safely say I am at that point thank God.

Anyway, I have not been writing recently because of work but I promise I will get on here more often.

So with that said take it or leave it, but hey what do I know? I just work here...

Trying to make some sense of it all...

But I can see that it makes no sense at all.

Why are we all at war with each other? I have come to find that the reason most of us are single is because we are waging this invisible war with each other, every single person I meet has to some degree sentimental defenses, so I got to thinking if I had some of my own, so I took a long good look at myself and found out that I did too. Strange huh? How vulnerable did I have to be at one point in my life to create these sentimental defenses? How hurt did I have to get to feel the need to defend myself? So that also got me thinking, is this why a connection with someone can't reach me? Is this why sometimes I feel so miserable it seems like I am in a very well written drama movie? To be honest I did kind of feel that way and now I understand why.

From now on I will not have defenses, I will just let go, if I get hurt I know it was not my fault, I will dust myself off and try again, why be afraid? I am more afraid of dying alone so the reward outweighs the sacrifice. I know what you are thinking by now "Paul has gone soft!" Maybe, but maybe it is time to do so, being all hard and party boy has not paid off at all lately...

Enough of this creamy version me LOL... So how about the FIFA? A joke? YES... I cannot agree more with Wolf Blitzer // "FIFA, one of the oldest sport institutions in the world, being one of the oldest does not necessarily mean the best, in this case its the opposite, it has the worst rule system known to man and the worst officiating teams we have ever seen, what troubles me is that most of the world watches this and supports it, does that mean that most of the world is just as dumb or dirty?" - Wolf Blitzer (CNN) \\ I could not agree more with him, that's why I stick with Football, better rules, less margin of error and overall more action. I sat there watching every game I could, from group stage to now 8ths, and really? Is the FIFA that stupid to let this happen? For the love of god we have cameras, we have special computers to figure this stuff out, how stupid and brain dead do you have to be to not use this awesome technology? I wish I had the chance to talk to the people in charge of FIFA, not only would I make them feel like the stupidest humans in the world, id slap them a few times for good measure.

Ah well guys and girls, enough of me, hell even I am tired of me, I promised a good friend of mine I would write more often, trust me with my busy schedule it is hard to do so, but I will try. So why are relationships so freaking unstable these days? I don't know I just work here...

Lost track...

When do you know you've lost track of yourself? Life comes at you so fast you just roll with it, while I am a big supporter of rolling with the punches I am baffled that I don't know anymore when I actually care about something.

I have trained myself to raise shields and have no expectations that now I can't even tell the difference when something is important and something is not. Ah the joy of living, I go trough it like a box of cracker jacks, they are all good but you are waiting for the prize, well now I am screwed because I will not be able to recognize the prize.

The other day I was having a conversation with a good friend of mine about crushes and how they usually never amount to something further, I think it has to do with us losing our ability to recognize something good at this point in life. Hopefully I am just going trough a small faze and this will all go away, if not then screw it, I am happy the way I am, all tough I know I could be happier. But I don't know, I just work here...

Let it flow...

You know the problem with life? The unpredictability, those people who tell you they have a plan or they have an idea of what they want they are bullshitting you so much its unreal. No one has a plan, no one has any clue of what they want or what is going to happen, and those that claim they do have a nice surprise waiting for them in the future, how dull would life be if it was "planned" just imagine everything being "planned"? Example sex, imagine knowing exactly when and how you are going to get laid every time, boring? Yes...

The problem with life is that its random and at the same time its whats awesome about it, so the best thing I cant think of is go trough it without expectations, without plans etc, god knows it never comes out the way you want it to, and those that face that reality later in life just come out disappointed.

If you ask me the best plan is not having one. But then again what do I know? I just work here...

Open your eyes...

So, I started a blog, I hope this will be fun and entertaining, for now I have nothing to say, I just woke up from a crazy night at Fabio's and I have a hang over the size of Tijuana, hopefully something interesting happens later and I get inspired. Till then keep your hopes up! (That's what she said)